dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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