I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
