Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
