just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
50% drunk capacity currently
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
