pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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