Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You made out with two different species that night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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