Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
third nipple confirmed
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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