everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
