Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
