you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
