I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
