Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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