theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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