I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize