Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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