I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
