I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
