My liver just broke up with me...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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