i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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