Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And then the night went full on bisexual.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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