You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
