is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
