Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's always time for handjobs
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
