If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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