hell yes lets make some ravioli
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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