I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize