i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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