dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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