I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
