I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
