Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
