hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
