Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize