Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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