It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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