I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
