So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
