on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
