I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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