Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and i looked up. we had an audience...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
