ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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