my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
