Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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