i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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