I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
