my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
