we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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