So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy sore nipples Batman
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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