I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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