Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
