Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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