Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
