just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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