we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
