I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This baby is an asshole
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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