The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
now i know why i became what i already was.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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