I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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