hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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