no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
