I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
