I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
50% drunk capacity currently
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
