it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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