is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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