I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
