gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
