when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
