insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
