I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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