You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
