you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
