I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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