I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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