Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
