Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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