direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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